


words in my head, knives in my heart

by all_that_glitters (orphan_account)



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Also Bruce is an asshole, Fluff and Angst, My OTP is Jaytim, They aren't my OTP so can be read as platonic, and damian wants to see wonder woman, and theres an arrow reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/all_that_glitters
Summary: In which Dick comforts Jason once again because Bruce has no chill





	words in my head, knives in my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Took the title from Christina Perri's Human. Get a lot of Jason and Bruce's relationship inspiration from this song. Also, the last part is from Arrow, s2e20, Seeing Red, because why not.

I sat on the ledge of one of the tallest buildings in Gotham, Wayne Enterprises. I knocked the soles of my combat boots against the side of the building absentmindedly as I polished my helmet with the sleeve of my jacket. I was dressed for patrol, but I felt too empty to go flying around the city being all heroic.

I looked out over Gotham, the lights of the city giving it the illusion of peacefulness. My domino rested on the ledge beside me, so that I could feel the wind on my face. No one could see me up here. The weather today had been amazing, cloudless and warm. Metropolis weather. It was still warm now, but the wind was cool and refreshing. The sounds of the city below me would be soothing normally, but tonight I couldn’t focus on anything but the harsh words that bounced around my head, ripped my heart to shreds. Murderer. Monster. Untrustworthy. Broken. Spoken by someone I loved. Trusted. Brought on by a lapse in control, a crack in the wall that held back my anger. Killing the guy didn’t make me feel anything, but hearing my father and mentor tell me that I was a killer, that I needed to stay away, that I would infect the lives of his family, which was my family too… The weight of those words left me feeling empty. Hollow. I sat there for I don’t know how long. It could have been hours. I didn’t move until I heard the heavy crunch of gravel against combat boots and tensed, reaching for the gun strapped to my thigh. If it was Bruce, I was going to shoot him, no hesitation. 

“It’s just me, Jay,” a voice said, and I relaxed. I knew that voice. Dick. I sighed and moved my domino off the ledge. Dick moved forward and sat down in the offered space, closer than was necessary, and peeled off his mask. Before he could say anything, I started. 

“I don’t care about what he said, Dick. I’m fine,” I said, wincing internally at how completely unconvincing I sounded. 

“You’ve always been a horrible liar,” Dick murmured. “C’mere.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“I didn’t mean to kill that guy, Dick. I just- he hurt Tim and I couldn’t-” I started in a rush. Dick interrupted me, his tone soothing. 

“Jason, it’s okay. I know why you did what you did. He was a hired assassin. I don’t blame you for getting mad. None of us do. Bruce is just… he feels responsible. He feels like it’s fault that you’re- that you- that you kill people. He’s guilty. And he doesn’t know what to do with that. So he’s pushing you away, trying to say whatever will make you leave. He’s done it before, Jay. To all of us. You know that.” He rubbed his gloved hand up and down my arm. I felt the tension seep out of me. 

“He called me a killer, Dick. He said I’d hurt you, and Tim, and Damian, and I wouldn’t and I know that and I didn’t mean to kill the guy and now Bruce thinks I’m a waste and I’m screwed up and it’s him and I don’t know what to do and-” I stopped, taking deep breaths. I realized I was shaking, and Dick pulled back, concerned. 

“Bruce will say whatever it takes, Jason. You know that. He didn’t mean anything he said. I know it hurt, I’d be hurt too, but you can’t feel too betrayed. That’s just who he is. But he doesn’t know who you are. I don’t think he’s ever seen you clearly. He’s so focused on the bad, but everyone else, we see the good. Because you are good. And you can’t let him make you doubt yourself. Promise me, Jason, that you won't let him make you doubt yourself. You've come so far, and the fact that you're upset that you killed this guy just shows how much you've grown. You're a part of the family, and that isn't ever going to change."

I looked down then, at my hands, still clutching the hood, and then out, to the city. You could see the ocean from up here, dark as it was. 

“Jay?” Dick prompted. I glanced back up at him again, but away. I couldn’t meet his eyes. Dick sighed. “Look, I can’t make up your mind for you. But you should know that I’m gonna back you no matter what.” I nodded. 

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too, you Dick.” I said with a slight grin. Dick rolled his eyes. He got to his feet, swiping up his mask, with that practiced grace we all had. 

“Much as I’d love to stay, I promised Damian we’d go see Wonder Woman tonight. You wanna tag along?” he asked. I sighed, rolling my shoulders and laying my helmet behind me on the gravel. I leaned back on my hands, swinging my feet once more. 

“No,” I said, with a smile in my voice. “I think I’ll stay up here a while longer.” He tugged on my hair twice, which he’d been doing ever since I became Robin, and bent down, squeezing me briefly. 

“See ya round, Jaybird.” And with that, he was gone. Leaving no trace that he’d ever been there. Just like we were trained to do. 

To my left, the bat-symbol suddenly lit up the night sky. I hesitated, considering. I could stay here, or go home, and leave Bruce and Tim to do their work. Or, I could do what Dick had said, and not let the Bat get to me. But he had, was the thing. He had hurt me, once again, with cruel words never meant for a pseudo-son. Oh well. As a friend told me once, if someone hurts you, you hurt them worse. And I could do worse.


End file.
